Monday, May 11, 2009

baby girl and the little boy

When you give birth there is a frantic moment when you think OHMYGOD! WHAT HAVE I DONE???? How will I ever manage this? what was I thinking? and you wish you would stay pregnant forever rather than change everything. I am having that moment. We decided to bring home the little boy too. he is very cute and said to be very smart. and I am frantic and panicked that the hs agency wont approve us for both and little boy will be left behind. and I am frantic and panicked that all will go as planned and both will come home and life as we know it will be forever changed(for the better I hope, but still changed) I imagine its much like that moment I mentioned above where you decide that since all this change is suddenly inevitable you dont want to risk it, its too scary. Adopting one is scary. adopting two is terrifying. I am already quite outnumbered in this house lol, I have 4 kids afoot already. Their medical needs do not scare me. the paperwork scares me. the millions of things to do and not being abel to do any of them. The fear that something will go awry along the way. There is fear of who they will be when they get here. seriously....afraid of paperwork? come on, you say. Having previously adopted from Russia, we have a paper nightmare as our frame of reference for these things. Everything that could possibly have gone wrong DID go wrong. so I dont know how it feels to have things sail along smoothly. and right now I am just panicked to think about going through a nightmre like that again. oh why didnt I choose an easier country? Oh, right, because our kids are not in an easier country. they say you can choose your friends but you cant choose your family. I guess that's true even in adoption. so hi ho hi ho its off to crazy I go, to do paperwork. and get fingerprinted. and hope it all falls into place.