no response to the email I sent the BCIS. unless you count the generated form letter that says dont bother us until 60-90 days after submission. sigh. but I did talk to the lady at the homestudy agency. she always makes me laugh. seriously. it is funny, it happens every time I talk to that lady.

still no I171H

still nothing on the website. still says my receipt number is invalid. The website is still outdated. but with a little digging I came up with an email address. Sent off a very nice letter stating that I TRIED to check online as advised, and that didnt work, and I TRIED to look at their website for timelines but that is outdated, and I TRIED calling the 800 number and got nowhere. I asked for news and if possible expediency due to the kids somewhat severe special needs. Hope it works. Even if they wrote and said yeah we have it all, we just havent gotten to it yet, then at least I would know. of course it wouldnt be enough and I would still be worried and waiting but I would know that time is not lost. but not knowing if they even have any record of me is difficult. hoping for some news tomorrow, ANY news. We filed with the Saint Paul, MN office so if anyone needs that email address let me know(provided it isnt outdated and returned to me undeliverable)

sophie and ben

still here. still waiting. still wondering how I will do all that needs doing for them. I dont know how to train a child to toilet when I dont even speak the same language and they probably cant undo their pants. I dont know how to organise so that doctor appointments and other things do not overlap. I dont know how to parent a child with special needs(other than adhd). I do know how to love them. how to play with them and teach them. I guess all those other things will come in time. no one knows these things going into raising children since what works with one doesnt always work with another so essentially every child is a child with special needs. they are all unique and need to be treated as such, even in ways of teaching and discipline. I wish they were home so I could start learning!

passports for cody and chrysta arrived.
too bad we arent going anywhere. yet.

the scoop

spoke with agency today. Homestudy went in on Monday. and she said dont take too much stock in what they say on the phone. she said she absolutely NEVER EVER calls them for any reason because it never gets her ANYWHERE. she always emails and its taken care of. She sent along the note I faxed her with pics of the kids and asking for expediency due to their special needs. She also added her OWN note about their special needs and please be quick. I was told it CAN take up to 3 months but the one other time she added a note about special needs and please hurry it was done just under a month. so IF that were the case it would be about three weeks till it comes. unless they have a heart. she also said that the fact that they found nothing means nothing. and she was not at all bothered by my calling she said call all you want I dont mind, I would rather you call and I can tell you what I know than to have you waiitng wondering and perhaps it slipped through the cracks soemwhere. so at least they dont think I am a bother calling all the time.

we have a couple of documents to redo. but they are simple ones that I just need to print off the computer and sign at notary, nothing that I have to run out of town for or anything. I put off apostille until we have everything since Eric had to be in court to testify on the day we had planned to do the apostille. I dont have hs in hand yet as they are waiting on updated notary since the main person who notaries has one that expires in January 10. I figure since I dont have I171H yet in hand I cant send anyways.

so now we wait. some more.

names are set

now we need kids.

this is crazy

In speaking with BCIS they have no record of my filing, which means they havent gotten to it yet they say. and the website says they are currently processing march but also says the date is may. I just dont understand. they tell me I have to wait another three months for them to get to June forms and then it takes 3 months so dont call us until it has been six months since you filed. thats december! I filed the form, I did the biometrics, the homestudy was supposed to be filed early this week. and yet they have nothing? they can tell me NOTHING? It is so awful dealing with goverenmental agencies. my receipt number shows nothing online, says its invalid, got me nothing on the automated phone system also invalid, and the man looking it up got nothing from it. but then he didnt ask my name. only the reciept number. I am so tired of beaurocratics. why is it so hard to bring these kids home? I have done the homestudy and proven I am worthy and also proven I have no nefarious background why cant I just go get them?? are they ever EVER EVER going to come home? I mean really and truly, if its december before I get the I171H then I will end up having to redo other documents, taking more time and money. I am so glad I rushed the passport apps, they will be here next week, too bad we wont be going anywhere. I cant even call my husband since he is in court this afternoon. so I just sit here and cry all alone. I could handle we need more time but no record at all? I just dont exist? its no wonder I am losing my hair.

this is why.

There are people who do not understand why I want to adopt, and more specifically why I would adopt a child who is differently abled. today I am listening to a cd I havent heard in awhile and there it was. there is the answer. why? you ask? this is why.


One hand
Reaches out
And pulls a lost soul from harm
While a thousand more go unspoken for
They say what good have you done
By saving just this one
It's like whispering a prayer
In the fury of a storm

And I hear them saying you'll never change things
And no matter what you do it's still the same thing
But it's not the world that I am changing
I do this so this world will know
That it will not change me

This heart
Still believes
The love and mercy still exist
While all the hatred rage and so many say
That love is all but pointless in madness such as this
It's like trying to stop a fire
With the moisture from a kiss

And I hear them saying you'll never change things
And no matter what you do it's still the same thing
But it's not the world that I am changing
I do this so this world will know
That it will not change me

As long as one heart still holds on
Then hope is never really gone

I hear them saying you'll never change things
And no matter what you do it's still the same thing
But it's not the world that I am changing
I do this so this world we know
Never changes me

What I do is so
This world will know
That it will not change me
(lyrics from Garth Brooks song The Change)

funds

we have a plan for most of our funds. credit cards, an investment I cashed in, money I saved, money donated, money held in trust, but still we come up short. I know so many of you have been so generous already, what I am looking for now is some kind of fundraiser ideas that might work around here in a rural area where we are probably looked upon as having a silver spoon in our mouth. So please fill my inbox with neat ideas. I have scads of stuff for a garage sale but no tables. I dont want to spend money on buying tables. thoughts on that? thanks for all of your help on this journey to Sophie and Ben. we can hardley contain our excitement to have them come home. Not a day goes by that a sibling doesnt ask when they will come home. They will never lack for love in this house.

update

signed and notarized about 99.999% of our other documents today. feeling good! things are happening! already have the ones we had to get from outside sources. So the remaining docs are our taxes and I 171H, and I think thats it! Hoping to Apostille on Thursday. If that doesnt work out I will just fed ex them. of course if I have to drive two hours to a fed ex place I might as well drive two hours to the capital and have it done while I wait. I am just so directionally challenged down there! I would be lost in 30 seconds.

Good news at last!

My adam walsh study is DONE. 9 weeks later. they are sending it to the BCIS today along with a letter I faxed over which asks for expedition(which I also included in the original I600A application.) so now we hurry up and wait for that government entity. but its one hurdle down! Of course the notary at the homestudy agency expires end of january. I dont think that is gonna work. I told them that. she said she would look elsewhere in the building and see if she can find someone else who can notary the licenses and the hs. but FINALLY FINALLY my hs is done. Planning to apostille everything all at once on Thursday(if we have the hs by then, or if we dont we could maybe pick it up)hang in there Sophie and Ben we havent forgotten about you! even though you dont even know we are out here, we are working very hard to make you our own!

Eureka! I've got it!

I should be SEWING! my machine has been sitting next to the dining room table for weeks untouched. I have tons of material. tons of patterns. I have to finish the chubber covers for Sophie. yes that will keep me busy on a very cold July day.

ramblings of a mother who is going crazy with the waiting!

I guess maybe the agency doesnt work on fridays. they are rarely available to answer the phone any other day of the week but I found that between 11 and 12 is a good time. today though no answer. so now we have to wait through the weekend.

Joseph(joey)
James
or Benjamin
are on my mind.

Eric likes Brenden Riorden and Parker. I imagine if I picked and name and stuck with it he would agree to anything at this point just to shut me up = )

It is so wonderful to read about all the families that are currently meeting/bringing home their kids right now. Encouraging to me that it IS possible even if it takes a looooong time. but gosh I want to see Sophie so bad. I want to see her soon to be brother whose name we havent decided on, he has the most impish smile. I cant wait to hug him. I adore daughters they have a special something, but sons, oh sons have something completely different. both are wonderful and special and unique in their own way. all I want is to hold them and hug them. I remember when I was waiting for Ethan. I couldnt wait to have him to ourselves and put his little jammies on him and cuddle him. oh those first days. I could barely contain the lump in my throat or the tears in my eyes as they put him in my lap screaming bloody murder. he wanted nothing to do with us, but all I could see was this is my boy, my child. here he is,finally, after all that waiting. I can hardley wait to feel that again. now if that paperwork would come through I could be one step closer to it! When we brought home Ethan people used to tell me I should write a book. Maybe some day I will. but for now all I want is to hold my kids. the ones who are here and the ones who arent here yet. I dont ask for the world, the children are my world. I want nothing more than to hold them and love them.

ok

I called dhs. they faxed it to fbi on the 7th. It was verified as recieved on that date. sorry nothing we can do but wait, should be any day now. Husband says I am too focused on this I need to get away from the computer and do something else. but he isnt here right now so after a bit of digging I found a number for the fbi and thought well the worst they can say is we cant help you with that information. so I called. and she looked into it for me. it was received the 7th and they are currently working on those received 7th, 8th, 9th so it should be any time now. so it isnt lost and I am hoping that if I keep talking to anyone who will listen along the way that these are special needs waiting kids that SOMETHING will happen. so now I better go and get the rest of my dossier in order. its mostly in order already but need to verify a few things with meredith and mckenna. HAH! I CALLED THE FBI! I feel somewhat vindicated lol.

nope

nothing

sigh

are they ever coming home? once this stupid AW thing gets done it still could take another month or more for BCIS to do their thing. Every day I wait and hope for SOMETHING. SOME news. Every day goes by and I have nothing. When we committed Andrea said "they can't wait three months for a homestudy" and I feel now as all of this drags on that we might be holding them back. and there is absolutely nothing I can do. waiting has never been easy for me. I am a true American, I want what I want when I want it. and darnit I want those kids! and I want them NOW! It hurts my heart to think of them over there without a family when we here are dying to be their family asap and yet we cant, at least not yet. we have to wait, and wait, and WAIT until some beaureaucrat decides to look at our file. Dare I even call DHS again or is that going to just hold up the study more? does it end up at the bottom of the pile then? knowing that precious time is slipping away for them is so difficult. As they grow and their mobility lessens, I fear it will be less likely for them to ever be able to recover some of their joints abilities. The little boy will be 6 in about 3 months. the little girl will be 4 in 5 months. they need therapies, they need interventions, they need rehabilitation. but they sit and wait. while our file sits on someones desk waiting for them to return from vacation or coffee break or just have a day they feel like working. I do not do well with unknowns. I need SOMETHING. if they said done by the end of the month for sure then at least I would know. but no they just say more time is needed. how is that for abstract and nonspecific? I like to have a plan and have things go according to plan. this AW wait is not in my plan. and its making it very hard on me.

good news and bad news

the good news is that there is only one bit of bad news. the bad news is that my background check STILL ISNT FINISHED! seriously! how long does this have to take when I already went and got my own background check for BCA weeks ago? maybe they dont know they can do that? lol

Wasting time on a rainy day

well I have to call him SOMETHING so not exactly wasted time. here is what I came up with(havent run anything by husband yet)
Bridgely Bridger Eri
Evan Cord Jacen Brenden Brennon Ridley McHenry Tyrus Ailin Nash Hudson Niels Jonathon John Creedon Callum Tate Tahj Talon Everett Hunter Sophus Sullivan Avery Nathan Quindlan Lane Hawk Oaklee Ryder Ryden Ryland



still nothing on the AW check

8 weeks and counting

still my adam walsh is not finished. GRRRRR.

today: the bill

ummm no.
I paid half up front. the other half must be paid before hs is released but as far as I know my hs is not ready to be released because the stupid adam walsh check is STILL going on seven weeks later. (yes I know this is not the study agencies fault)when they have my study ready I will be ready to pay. until then, not a chance. If I pay them the rest of the fee then my study gets shuffled to back burner because they already got paid and have NO motivation to finish things timely. NO WAY. send me a bill when you have my study ready.

GRRR!! AGAIN!

grr! I found a number for dhs to check on my prints. they are rejected again. funny I havent heard from the feds that THEY rejected my prints. but MN is funny that way. She tried telling me they just got it on the 29 but thats bull because I sent it out on the 22 and there is NO WAY it takes a week to get to a city two hours away. I politely explained my situation and that we are waiting on identified kids with special needs and that they will be going to an institution if we cant get there and they are the ones holding everything up. "I am sure you can understand our dilemma." she put me on hold to track down my file. found it and told me it was rejected a second time and that they were in the process of doing a search based on name. She told me right now that is running about a week. so tell my agency to watch for it next week. SO FRUSTRATING!! another week!! which pushes back hopes for travel even further. sigh. are they ever coming home? will they ever see the little beds we have for them? will they ever see the little blankets I made for them? will they ever see the brothers and sisters eagerly awaiting them? feels like forever.

stillllll waiting

today is the beginning of week three waiting on my SECOND set of prints. My agency has no news yet. why does this have to take so long! they are holding up everything!!! its probably sitting on someone's desk at the bottom of some pile. why cant they just pull my file by name. and why cant they communicate with the federal govt since THEY have my prints and THEY would know if I had any record. but no. we just wait. and wait. and wait. and its excruciating.