THE ROAD TO SOPHIE AND BEN has pretty much ended

now that we are not on a journey to get them, they are just ours, just one of the family. I started a new blog for our journey as a family together. SO I will probably not post here anymore. My new family blog is enbergadventures.blogspot.com
so please follow us there. I loved getting to know all of your along this journey to our children. I am thankful to all of you for the support you have given me along the way. I look forward to continuing to hear from all of you over at enbergadventures.

hahahahahahaha

Ben knows what 1 2 3 means. and sophie is annoying him so he told her one! TWO! SIX!!!!!!! grrrr! lol he loves 6. he always counts 5 6. or 1 2 3 6. I guess thats his favorite number.

They are lost today without Ethan and Maia. even though they do nothing but scream at each other when they are all here. E and M went with daddy for the day to run errands and I kept these two. We have to take C and C to their dad later this afternoon and there arent enough seats in the van for all of us. so off they went with Daddy. I am sure they will love it. They love getting the oil changed and spending time with dad. and in Dads car they sit next to each other and play and fight and play and fight all the way to wherever they go.

Yesterday we went for a long ride. Sophie likes the car. she slept on the way home. Maybe I will get lucky and she will sleep when we take the kids to their dad today too. She so needs a nap but rarely gets it because of all the racket that goes on around here all day. Next week Ethan goes to school so that will quiet things a bit.

ok we really MUST start speaking English

most often between each other Sophie and Bean speak Russian/Ukrainian whatever it is they speak. They speak it to us as well. Even for things they have the english word for. but then they get mad when we dont understand them all the time. I have learned a lot of meanings to what they say but some I just dont know. So the time has come that they must learn English. So from here on out my plan is to have them say it in English before they get what they want. I will gladly provide the word, they only need repeat it. hopefully this will lead to them using the word independently without prompting.

Ben said tonight "come here!" thats a pretty cool thing! and we think its histerical when they say "yeah baby!" which prompts them to say it again when they hear our fits of giggles. so English, HERE WE COME!

Naluchki

Every day all day its Naluchki mama! naluchki mama! MAMA! NALUCHKI! I adore holding her but sometimes my hands and or lap are busy elsewhere! She has taken to crawling into my lap when I am on the floor and rubbing her face on me. She LOOOOOVEs to sit and rock in my lap when she wakes up from naptime. Of course I cant have her rock facing me because of her legs. We dont have a lot of face to face physical contacts because of her legs. She cant get enough of having dad swing her around. I have been getting her to open her hands big and wide as far as she can to get a little ROM going there. She does use her hands to do a lot but only in the all jumbled position. She is coming along.

Ben doesnt like to share. Just plain doesnt like it. and often wont do it. Time out is my friend and usually persuades him to share. He also likes to count. one two FIVE!! and when I say to one of the other kids being naughty ONE! TWO! he responds with FIVE SIX!! we have to count cheerios so he will eat them. Papa gave him some tough love last night at dinner. he shoved his milk glass across the table so daddy wouldnt give it back. then he wouldnt use his fork and was just using his fingers. Daddy said no and he didnt listen. so he got down for a couple minutes. WAILING the entire time. histerically. but he did act nicely afterwards and papa told him he loved him and he didnt seem to hold a grudge against daddy. he loves to be outside and thankfully the weather is cooperating with that for awhile. But Ethan is going to go to school soon so the long entire days outside are going to slow down since I cant be everywhere!

natasha and illiana

when we were in Ukraine visiting Ben and Sophie there were some SUPER kids in Ben's group. We spent a lot of time playing with them. we watched two little girls blossom from shy and unsure to outgoing and funny. We asked if they were available for adoption and it was alluded to that these girls had a disease that was incurable. This leads us to believe that they have either HIV or HepB. Either way I know that the H1N1 virus is becoming a global pandemic and Ukraine is beginning to see the effects of it. I worry about these two girls. They are smart and really great kids. I would LOVE to go back and bring them home. I dont know if that is possible BUT I do want to keep them in my thoughts and hope for their health. I hope you will think of them along with me. If they get H1N1 it could kill them. If you are praying folk, pray for them. If you arent, then send good vibes into the world for them, or just think good thoughts for them. the power of positive thinking.

slam!

one step forward and two steps back. took sophie to the store with me. I take turns with each child making a milk run with me. it was sophie's turn. and appropriate since she cries when she thinks I am leaving her. all was well. smiles galore. and then we got to check out and someone said hi cutie and she said "last name, old first name" and then we got in the car and she asked if we were going back to groupa now? ugh. she just thinks we are another groupa. I told her no groupa, groupa all done, FAMILY. chrysta cody mama papa ben sophie ethan maia FAMILY. she tried to say the word. but I dont know how much she got out of the conversation. so am I just another caretaker then? or am I MAMA?

it is fun to watch them embrace each new experience though. both loved the store. ben kept smiling and asking Amelika? she just smiled and laughed about riding in the cart. ben just spotted the lighted pumpkin(fake) and was very interested. laughing and hugging it. funny kid. he is playing fetch with the dog. he is the only one the dog has ever returned a toy to besides myself. he will fetch what others throw but always bring it back to me no matter who throws it. except Ben. he will bring it back to Ben, but he is afraid to take it away from him.

introducing: SCOOTER!

full circle

last spring I took the kids to the state park nearby. we love to go there. We played and the wind blew. and an eagle flew overhead. it was all very neat. we loved being close to nature. and of course since the weather wasnt PERFECt no one else was there. we had the entire park to ourselves. I had a certain someone on my mind that day. in the previous days I had been trying my hardest to find someone to bring home a little girl who needed a family. A little blonde. And as I watched my own little blonde running up and down the beach and swinging and sliding and playing in the sand, I knew I couldnt leave that other little blonde to the fate that awaited her. I just coudln't stand the thought that she would never run and play and enjoy such a place as the state park. The bonus blonde came later when we couldnt leave him behind knowing the two were much like sibs and had similar challenges.

Today we went to the same park. Beautiful fall weather. Again no one around. Ben shooshed the leaves with his feet and walked along holding my hand. Sophie rode in the stroller and loved for us to toss leaves up and they would blow past her. they did the slide, the swings, the sand. and I put them in a pile of leaves and I dont think Ben stopped smiling the entire time. Scooter decided to scoot off down the hill leaving a trail behind her as the leaves parted around her and getting a wet behind in the process. but hey you are only young once and her pants were dark colored so I let them play. so from the first time I "knew" to now the first visit to the same park with the dreamed of kids.

more convinced than ever that Ben's hearing is not great

Sophie repeats words very clearly. and easily. she will say tank you if you prompt her to say it instead of spaseeba. Ben will say it too but it doesnt sound like tank you. it sounds more like fok oo. which sounds a lot like ohter words I dont generally use. I had to laugh thinking he is going to think he is being so smart and saying thank you to someone and they are going to hear fok oo. and think he said something completely different. Might have to get that thank you on tape for posterity.

another note to self: get scooter on tape. she wont always be scooter.I hope.

pizza anyone?

it is amazing how much you can learn from a language you dont speak. we are learning lots of words. Ben's pants are a little big and keep falling down. yesterday he was standing at the window and his pants AND unders fell to the floor. He and Sophie thought it histerical. We pulled them back up and went about our business. but not before I learned the word Piska. a few minutes later there is Ben with just his Piska sticking out. we didnt make a fuss, just told him to keep the mouse in the house. they moved on to other things. Last night he was petting the dog and discovered !!! the dog has a Piska! no Ben do not pet the dogs piska.

fast forward to tonight. What is for dinner. PIZZA. piska? NO! NOT PISKA! pizzzzzzaaaaaa. piska. no peeeeeeeettzzzzaaaaaaaaaaa. think about that next time you order pizza. make sure you eeeenunciate or you might end up with something much different than you planned!!

wow! incredible!

last time we tried the sling was in Ukraine. it didnt go well if you recall. she screamed bloody murder and the babushkas gave me what for since she was obviously hungry if she was crying! anyways part of why the trip home was so hard is I couldnt sling her and she would not let me put her down. TIRED ARMS! today we walked Maia to school. I put ben in the single stroller and Sophie in the sling on my back. she screamed. she cried. she carried on. and then I showed her us in the mirror and that was it. she was happy the rest of the time in the sling. we walked maia to school and walked back again all with her on my back and no complaints. not one. I am very proud of her for giving it a try. This morning everyone was cranky because they all wanted the SAME toy. but they love going for a walk so that cheered them. and then Sophie went to nap when we got home. Ben and Ethan have been playing outside every since we got back. ben cant get enough of outside.

sophie is really improving

she IS becoming a funny little doll, just like I knew she could be. oh yes she has her moments. and she still isnt thrilled with maia. but I think she is coming along nicely. MAMA is the only one allowed to feed her. MAMA is the only one allowed to put on the AFOs. MAMA is the only one she wants to take her to the bathroom but will occasionally allow someone else but wont like it. MAMA is the only one allowed to get her out of bed. now if she could just learn a little English! she CAN say lots of things, but chooses to say them in russian instead. and I dont always know what she wants and she gets mad at me. there is an old nursery rhyme I have been meaning to post. There was a little girl who had a little curl right in the middle of her forehead. and when she was good she was very very good and when she was bad she was horrid. yep thats my sophie! nastya sopha she calls herself. this is an improvement. She used to call herself "old last name" nastya. and always in that order. last name first first name last. I bet she doesnt even realize what her last name is. oh well she is only 3. and she doesnt care what you call her as long as you dont call her late to dinner!

Ben on the other hand goes by BEN! and if you call him Artem he says BEN! and little BEN sure does like when I sing songs to him. he loves wheels on the bus and tonight couldnt get enough of the itsy bitsy spider(which of course crawled up him and tickled all the way up as well as all the way down. he can be so sweet. but boy is he having a hard time sharing those birthday toys. I am torn between wanting to let him have them all to himself as he probably never had anything his own and wanting him to learn to share and be generous. and to be fair if its lying on the floor unattended it really isnt a crime for someone else to play with it.

Speaking of never had something of their own. Sophie absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVES the shoes I bought her. she wants to wear them all the time. she cries when I take them off. the first day she wore them I had to let her sleep with them. in all the time we were in Ptown she never had shoes. these are little clogs and they are SO CUTE. she can get them mostly on by herself. she adores them. funny that of all the things we have around here its the SHOES that mean so much to her.

birthday cake

Ben's face lit up when he saw the cake and candles. he knew just what to do when we finished the song. and I gave him cake with ice cream and he kept asking, "ben? ben?" as in is this for me? we kept saying YES YES! for BEN! he looooved his present. it was a flashlight and also a cell phone. he loved them both and couldnt keep his hands off of them. he kept turning out the lights so he could try the flashlight. Unfortunately Papa took it away after bedtime because he kept shining it in Ethan's eyes. he put it on the nightstand so he can play with it tomorrow. but boy howdy you should have heard him howl when papa took it from him!

Sophie cried when the birthday cake was all gone. Not sure what that was about. she had milk but didnt want that. she just put her head down and cried. Something is not right with her. She fell asleep on the floor this afternoon. she woke again crying this afternoon. I hope she isnt getting a flu bug. Daddy sees plenty of sick people at work every day. I hope he isnt bringing home germs! Waking up with a cry is not usual for her at all. she usually just calls MAMA! MAMA! MMAAAAAAMMMMMAAAAAAA! until I come and tell her to shhhhh or get her up. She seemed a little on the warm side when I put her to bed but she generally IS warmer than most of us. its hard work to scoot around all day like she does. I call her scooter. SO I guess we will wait and see what tomorrow brings. Any ideas on how to help her accept Maia? she wants me to dump Maia out of my lap because SHE wants my lap. she screams at her when Maia comes near her or tries to touch her. she just wants to hug and kiss her but she gets rebuffed again and again. Ben is fine with it. I keep telling her Sophie doesnt know what its like to get love she is still learning. and every time Sophie rejects Maia I hug and kiss Maia. sometimes it leads Sophie to kiss her. sometimes not.

phone call

I called Eric from the orthodontist office. he was home with the kids. Ben wanted to talk. it was the cutest funniest neatest conversation ever. simple but to me just super neat.
ben Privyet Mama!
mama Privyet Ben!
Kak dila?
ben xorosho
mama Abyet?
ben da. Sophie Spaht.
mama ohhhh Sophie spaht! xorosho!
Das vidanya. Papa.
Ben Das vidanya. byee byee.
mama Paka

then he gave the phone to papa. I am sure everyone in the office thought I was bonkers. but it was awesome.

Happy Happy Birthday BEN!

Today is my Ben's birthday. he is SIX! although he doesnt act like your average 6 year old I love him to bits. He is the sweetest most wonderful boy. I took him to the grocery store just the two of us yesterday. He smiled the entire time and just looked and looked. and once asked Amelica? I said yes and he just smiled and sighed "amelica." he is very empathetic to others who are hurt. He often kisses Sophie on the head when she is screaming and sometimes when she isnt. He loves to play outside and cant get enough climbing and trampoline and sliding and riding bikes(and I almost got rid of the bikes thinking he probably would never ride them! thank goodness my husband stopped me there!) He loves cars and he loves his Mama. He found a picture in a magazine of a woman with long dark hair and said mama! and hugged my arm. he is such a sweet boy. Very laid back overall. He loves to take a toy to bed with him just to hold while he sleeps. He never yells at me when I put his AFOs on the wrong feet. In fact he rarely yells at me at all for anything. He likes to be fed but can feed himself. He is always calm with me when I dont understand him. But he understands me a lot of the time. He is a dream. An absolute dream boy. I know he isnt perfect. and sometimes he doesn't share. Sometimes he cries. and he doesnt like time out. But today, today on his sixth birthday, and right now this very minute, he is my wonderful dream boy. He is a good boy. and I am glad to know him. and Proud to be his Mama.

Ben is under the table with the dog. the dog is in doggie heaven rolled on his back having Ben giving him a nice gentle belly rub. This kid could restore the dogs faith in humanity. he does not like people who come into our home but BEN he has loved from the start. and Ben loves him back. Ethan came home at 2 and at 7 is STARTING to learn how to be gentle to the dog and cat. and he has had them all along. but Ben just looooves this dog and the killy killy killy too and has always been very kind and gentle to him. when Ethan comes Fabio(dog) hides. When Ben comes, he rolls on his back to show his belly. In the past Fabio was Mama's boy. I suspect he is quickly becoming Ben's boy! One day I will look to my feet expecting to see him there and he will instead be curled up at Ben's feet.

strange afternoon

Sophie didnt go down to nap until 1230 or so because she wanted to see Papa. Papa went back to work at 1245ish. she was crying then. then she was quiet. until 115. and then she was WAILING. inconsolable wailing. not her I am ticked off and you better darn well get me out of here cry. I stood at the crib trying to comfort her she wouldnt look at me just off into space. If she was crying because she was mad about going to bed she would have shooed my hands away from her. Finally I just picked her up and rocked her and sang to her while the cat ate my lunch(which really made me mad because I NEVER get to eat around here!). She would be quiet in my arms but when she thought she would go back in the crib she wailed and nothing I said would quiet her. She usually has plenty of words to express what she wants when she is crying. she said nothing. this is very unusual. Finally I just laid on the bed with her and then gave up when Ben started clanking blocks together in his room. (he doesnt nap I just put him in there and tell him to shhhhhhh. and he plays quietly for awhile) When I pulled her to the edge of the bed she started to whimper thinking she was going back to bed. I said I give up. you win. and when I walked out the door of the bedroom she GRABBED my head with her little arms(yes the ones that dont move much) and kissed me so hard. I had to laugh. I put her down in the living room with the toys and I give up on naptime today. Maybe she was realizing what she has lost and maybe a little what she has gained. Maybe she will turn a corner now. maybe not. but it was nice to rock her and sing to her. thats the kind of things I wanted to do when I committed to bring her home. I am that kind of mom. I am a touchy feely lovey singing silly/stupid songs rub your back to sleep kind of mom.

highlight

AFOs at bedtime. No one else is allowed to put them on. Only Mama. I guess you have to start somewhere. of course she screamed when I wouldnt take an hour to let her thread them herself. Some times bedtime is NOW NOW NOW. other times we can take a little time to let her try. but last night was not one of those nights I wanted to sit there while she yells YESEMA! if I even attempt to help in any way(like move the ring up so she is actually threading instead of having her try to thread into the AFO body)

If there is one thing I wont miss its YESEMA! If she could just talk quietly and politely and say I can do it, or no thanks she would be a lot nicer to be around. instead its YESEMA! and take your arm off with the snarl.

She learned time out yesterday. WHy didnt it occur to me sooner that she could learn 123. She is not quite as quick as ben though. I said one! and she said DVA TREE! all proud of herself and then did what I told her not to anyways. so I said TWO! and she did it again and three was off to the chair. maybe a couple of those and she will start to see the light.

ugh!

everyone is so crabby today. and what I wouldnt give to sleep through the night! if I can only make it through another half hour(we have been up about 4 hours already) then I can feed them lunch and put them to bed. Sophie is in rare form today. Ben is grumpy too. Ethan is his normal bossy self and yelling at everyone trying to be the boss of everything.

We had a dog once who had aggression and resource guarding. This is who Sophie reminds me of. If anyone even approaches her while she eats she starts barking at them. Even me some times. Even when someone is trying to help her or offer her something she immediately goes on the defensive. GRRRR. and toys are the same. not to mention any affection from any of them. seems she has spent the entire morning screaming at us. I put her in her bed and told her AHHHHHHHH = bed. well thats where she is now. Screeching at me. Poor Maia wants so much to love her and she will not let Maia anywhere near her for any reason. Maia asked Daddy why we had to change the family, she liked it the way it was. I can understand her thinking at this point.

Ben, while crabby, is starting to make good decisions. At least when prompted. He learned that 1 2 3 = time out. I never have to get past 1 after only having ONE time out. he is a fast learner and smart! now if he could sleep through the night. I dont think anyone around here is getting enough sleep. Except maybe Maia because she sleeps downstairs away from them. Ethan wakes Ben, Ben wakes Ethan, Ethan and/or Ben wakes Sophie, Sophie Wakes Ben and/or Ethan. of course none of them ever wake Papa. in my next lifetime I am going to be a dog. a MALE dog. I will sleep all day. I will make the babies but not have to wake for them. My husband is always good to help if I wake him, but he doesnt wake when they call like a mom does. he just doesnt have Mom hearing. dang mom ears.

Yesterday was pretty good until dinner time. and that was mostly exhausting for me but nothing wrong on their parts. today is a completely different story to yesterday. Its also raining so we cant go for our walk or play outside.

I was thinking of taking Ben to an ECFE class on Monday afternoons while Maia is at school and Sophie naps. He likes wheels on the bus. I bet he would like ram sam sam. Now if we could just get little miss chip on her shoulder to soften up a bit life would be pretty good.

the good the bad the ugly

ok now that I got your attention I just want to tell you all that I lost my cell phone and if anyone finds it let me know! lol. Actually most of you wouldnt find it but Uncle Bob and Aunt Jeanne might find it at their house. I was sure I left it in the basket in my van when we went to Bobs but I cant find it now. I dont think it was stolen out of my van because there are literally NO calls on it not even ones to familiar numbers. so where is it? I had it when we left target and headed for Bob and Jeannes. thats when I slipped it into the basket. but maybe I thought again and wanted to call the kids and put it in my jacket? and did I lose it in the basement? did I lose it in Ukraine? on a plane? I have numbers on there I cant replace. as well as photos. oh please please little cell phone turn up!