the naaaaame game!

more documents obtained today. I can not even believe it cost me SEVENTY FIVE DOLLARS for two copies of two kids birth certs and 2 copies of mine. SEVENTY FIVE DOLLARS! and ten for the copy of the deed to the house. thankfully I had the money saved to pay for it. We are trying to come up with a name for little boy. so far we have parker and jackson and ian. But since we already have an ETHAN I wonder if Ian is a little too close? we always used to talk about having an Ian. but does he look like an Ian? I really like Jackson but Eric's nephew is Jacob and goes by Jack. not sure how you get Jack our of jacob, usually its Jake. I like unusual names but not so bizarre that people think I am crazy. just a little different than your usual jacob and emily. so we are thinking Sophie or Ana for her and what for him? what does he look like to you?

its a sign!

eric and I have this thing we do. it all started when we were looking at residencies. we went to one and really liked it and on the way back there was a small day sailer on the side of the road for sale. Eric loves sailing. and he just about drove off the road when I saw it and screamed IT'S A SIGN!! so whenever we have ongoing discussion over some decision if anything related shows up somewhere else in our life we say "it's a sign!" so last night we watched a movie. the movie itself was somewhat disturbing but anyways there was a girl on the movie and guess what her name was? SOPHIE! he looked at me, smirked and said very calmly and matter of fact, "its a sign." I nearly choked. he is so funny.

baby girl and the little boy

When you give birth there is a frantic moment when you think OHMYGOD! WHAT HAVE I DONE???? How will I ever manage this? what was I thinking? and you wish you would stay pregnant forever rather than change everything. I am having that moment. We decided to bring home the little boy too. he is very cute and said to be very smart. and I am frantic and panicked that the hs agency wont approve us for both and little boy will be left behind. and I am frantic and panicked that all will go as planned and both will come home and life as we know it will be forever changed(for the better I hope, but still changed) I imagine its much like that moment I mentioned above where you decide that since all this change is suddenly inevitable you dont want to risk it, its too scary. Adopting one is scary. adopting two is terrifying. I am already quite outnumbered in this house lol, I have 4 kids afoot already. Their medical needs do not scare me. the paperwork scares me. the millions of things to do and not being abel to do any of them. The fear that something will go awry along the way. There is fear of who they will be when they get here. seriously....afraid of paperwork? come on, you say. Having previously adopted from Russia, we have a paper nightmare as our frame of reference for these things. Everything that could possibly have gone wrong DID go wrong. so I dont know how it feels to have things sail along smoothly. and right now I am just panicked to think about going through a nightmre like that again. oh why didnt I choose an easier country? Oh, right, because our kids are not in an easier country. they say you can choose your friends but you cant choose your family. I guess that's true even in adoption. so hi ho hi ho its off to crazy I go, to do paperwork. and get fingerprinted. and hope it all falls into place.

more paperwork

filled out a bunch more papers for the homestudy. need to get birth certs and marriage certs and get the local PD to help with fingerprinting. and get a local background check. gosh it was SO MUCH easier last time we adopted! I dont understand why I have to pay SO MUCH MONEY when I am doing all the work! essentially all the hs agency does is look about your house and spend a couple hours with you and says yay or nay (after a adam walsh background check of course) I feel like my hands are so tied. I want to get stuff done and be finished and just concentrate on waiting but there is so much to do and each thing cant be done unless something else has been done. Cant file the i600 until the hs(at least that is what the hs agency is telling us to do) cant gather dossier until the hs is done. cant do home visit until reams of paperwork is finished and we have gotten the local pd to do a background check. if these kids are sitting there just waiting for a home then why isnt the process more streamlined and not done in procession but rather all at the same time? well I know I cant change the world but I just feel that things are not moving fast enough for my liking and I just want it over and done and get our babygirl home. And I am a worrier. I keep trying to get this form that I am supposed to do but I am discouraged because I still dont have it. I dont want to lose out on my Annie. and again its the weekend and mothers day at that so very much NOTHING I can do. tomorrow. tomorrow is monday. I can wait one day right? I have to anyways.

how come other people's families and friends are supportive of adoption and help them and donate and what can we do to help you? but our family? not so much. I am not having a good day today, the world is crashing in on us due to all the crappy things going on right now and all I want is to bring home our little girl. not one person in our family or friends ordered magazines donated money. I sent out a mass email and got one reply from a most unlikely source. I guess I am feeling very unsupported in a lot of things right now. They are all piling up. Adoption is just ONE of those things. today I would like to take a nap but instead I have to go to a birthday party and an evening barbecue when all I want to do is stay home and cry. I dont know if this belongs in this blog or the other but this is where I ended up so here is where its at.

the all important homestudy stuff came today. took a week to get here. a week we dont have. and looking through it I can say NOW I am officially overwhealmed. last time was way easier than this and it was RUSSIA! I suppose thorough is better so tht there will be no question of our competence when it comes time to go to get her. I am a bit annoyed though that I was JUST at the county building yesterday and didnt get birth certs because they said they ddint need them and NOW I get the info and it says they need them. maybe its general? and since they hve a copy of our old hs they wont need them? if they do its hi ho hi ho off to the county I go....an hours drive away. oh! but we have orthodontist next week so have to swing through that town anyways I guess I could pick em up if I had to.

since yesterdays wicked witch call I didnt get to Milaca. going today for sure. gotta get my baby girl home asap!

and Eric found out for sure he has enough vacation time accrued to go with me on both trips. YEAH! YAY!

hopefully the adam walsh background checks will come today so we can get those in the mail.
Still no word on whether or not I can take the big kids with us. Their dad isnt returning my calls.

I reclaimed a bunch of Maia's dresses that she outgrew to save to baby girl and suddenly maia wants them. she says she will share everything her toys her mama her attention but I think its gonna be a little harder than she thinks after being the baby for 5 years.